How connecting with sensuality makes sex better
Sexuality and sensuality are often used interchangeably, but they both offer different experiences and can be used to support different aspects of healing, connection, and self-discovery.
Through sensuality, you can connect with pleasure in your body and with your surroundings. You can access sensuality through each of your five senses. Sensuality involves embodiment and can be separate from sexuality and sexual expression. Non-sexual ways to connect with sensuality include listening to music, viewing art, being in nature, dancing, getting a massage, beautiful scents, and having a luscious meal.
Sexuality, on the other hand, involves sexual attraction, fantasies, desire, and orientation. It can include sexual arousal, erotic energy, sexual acts with a partner or partners, or masturbation. Sexuality, like sensuality, can be a deeply unique and personal experience.
As a sex therapist, I often work on helping people to incorporate sensuality into their sexual experiences. Sex can easily become goal-oriented and performance based versus pleasure focused. Instead of focusing on the senses, pleasure, and presence, sex can become about orgasm, erections, and penetration. This is when people tend to struggle with sexual concerns.
Some ways that you can incorporate sensuality into your sexual experiences include:
Mindfulness: Through mindfulness, you can begin to notice when you are getting distracted, feeling disconnected from your senses, and becoming goal-oriented. There are both informal and informal mindfulness practices.
Informal mindfulness focuses on incorporating mindfulness into existing activities such as showering, washing the dishes, having sex, or walking. It is noticing your thoughts, sensations, and emotions without judgment and coming back to the moment when you feel your mind wandering or are getting distracted.
Formal mindfulness is more structured and could include body scan meditation, guided visualizations, or breathing exercises. It is setting aside specific time with the intention to connect with mindfulness.
Embodiment: Is the practice of connecting with your body and senses. It is a form of mindfulness that specifically focuses on the senses. It is part of sensuality. Through embodiment, you can notice how your thoughts and emotions impact your body. This can be particularly helpful when being sexual as feelings of guilt, shame, or anxiety can have an impact on physical sensations and the experience of pleasure.
You can practice embodiment during sex or masturbation or in your daily practices such as mindful movement, mindful eating, deep breathing, or being in nature. Like mindfulness, you can practice informal embodiment, where you connect with your senses through daily practices like eating, being in nature, or walking. You can also engage in embodiment practices that are more intentional and formal such as mindful movement, somatic therapy, receiving a massage, and body based meditations.
Both mindfulness and embodiment can support your sexuality and sensuality. We all find pleasure and connection in different mindfulness and embodiment practices. I invite you to reflect on what helps you to feel grounded, connected, and present with your emotions, thoughts, and body. How do you want to incorporate this into your daily life? How can your sensuality support your sexual experiences?